Editor’s note: DJ Turner is the Communications Director at FRCS.
On forgiveness
Are you familiar with the method of Bible study that looks at first mentions? While it is not the only way to study the Bible, I have found it particularly helpful when I want to explore a specific topic from a new perspective. Basically the idea is to find the first mention of a particular word in the Bible and explore its meaning in that context. It can be really eye-opening in understanding the true meaning of a word. There are, of course, limitations with this method of study, so I do not recommend it in isolation, but it is one way to approach deeper understanding of key concepts in what we believe.
Take for example, the word “forgive”. I’m sure we have all heard many sermons about why we should forgive, its importance not only to our faith and forgiveness from God but also for our own mental well-being. But sometimes understanding why we should do something isn’t enough to get us to the how of doing it. So once, after being badly hurt by someone I trusted, I decided to do a first mention study on the word “forgive” to see what Scripture could teach me about it.
The first mention of the word forgive is in Genesis chapter 50. To set the scene, Joseph had risen to be second only to Pharaoh in Egypt, and he had just been reunited with his family. Jacob, his father, dies at the end of chapter 49, and while Joseph grieves the loss, his brothers worry that he may hold a grudge against them for all of the bad things they had done to him earlier in the story. It’s a fascinating tale, and I assume many of you are familiar with it (if you are not, read Genesis chapters 37-50 for the whole story).
So upon Jacob’s death, we read:
“When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, ‘What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?’ So they sent word to Joseph, saying, ‘Your father left these instructions before he died: “This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.” Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.’” Genesis 50:15-17a
This is the first mention of the word forgive (or any of its forms, including forgiveness, forgiving, etc.) in the entire Bible. What comes in the next several verses is not a definition of the word or an explanation of why it is important. What comes next I read to be a guide on HOW to forgive.
The latter part of verse 17 says, “When their message came to him, Joseph wept.”
Why did Joseph weep? Was it an acknowledgment of all the wrongs he had suffered at their hands? Was it because he knew his brothers’ plea was borne of fear and not contrition? Perhaps it was because he had so many times already forgiven his brothers out of love that weeping was the only reaction possible for him. Maybe it was a combination of things; we may never know with certainty. Regardless of Joseph’s reasons, the simplicity of the phrase suggests to me that an emotional response is an important part of the forgiveness process. Joseph did not push his emotions aside. He did not bury them. He wept. And that was ok.
The emotions we feel after someone hurts us are natural. Anger, sadness, confusion, and others are part and parcel to the territory. And the deeper the hurt, the stronger the emotions tend to be. I take great comfort in knowing that God’s first picture of forgiveness in His Word to us includes a simple affirmation of the emotional side of the process.
But we cannot remain in those emotions or they will consume us, bringing us back to the reasons WHY we forgive. So what is the next step? How do we get to the point of truly forgiving someone?
“His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. ‘We are your slaves,’ they said. But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (verses 18-20)
The most important, and sometimes most difficult, part of forgiving is to acknowledge God’s plan in the situation. It is an awareness that nothing happens outside of His knowledge and that He “works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). When we have faith in God’s promise from Romans and can see God’s hand at work in every aspect of our lives, it becomes easier to forgive — to let go of the questions and needing to understand “why” and come to the point of acceptance that our lives are not our own, but His.
I will admit that I do not always see God’s plan in my life as clearly as Joseph. And sometimes that makes getting to this point a little more challenging for me. But when I do get there — when I’m able to trust God’s goodness in everything and remember that my life is HIS, not my own — it is much easier to forgive and let go.
Joseph concludes by reassuring his brothers of his forgiveness.
“‘So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.’ And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.” (verse 21).
We do not always have the chance to reassure those who hurt us, but the outward recognition of the act of forgiving is the logical conclusion to the process. When we speak it, it becomes real — both to us and to those around us.
So this is what God taught me about forgiveness. I hope putting this lesson into practice has made me just a little bit more like him. I pray, too, that it might help you, if you find yourself in a situation where you need to forgive someone.
